A lot of people - well, when I say "a lot" I mean "three" (and when I say "people" I mean "faces of people I cut out of Heat magazine") - ask me about my ideal dinner party. What would be on the menu? Who would you invite? And so on and so on etc.
So I had a think about this, and now I can reveal the details of My Dream Dinner Party to you, dear lucky reader, such that you are.
My Dream Dinner Party Menu would be as follows:
Starterses
Pan-handled solenoids of Scottish chicken, with a lobster and watercress bisque, served on a futon of burberry mushrooms
Poached Isle of Skye onions and laminated halibut, served with a lobster and watercress salad
Lobster and watercress soup, with spinettes of radish, served with gites of pigeon breast defenestrated in a mushroom and white wine coquette
Main Courseses
Roast Highland squirrel, potato brochures and wild watercress and lobster gravy
Montage of Scottish lobster, with honey-glazed peas, served on a sofa of grilled watercress and Spanish celery
Contratemps of smoked squirrel, with a bijoux of lobster and watercress risotto, served on a pasquale of wild burberry mushrooms and redacted ham
Dessertseses
Lobster and watercress sorbet
Tarte citroen deux chevaux, avec l'homard et le cresson
Choc ices
That's the food taken care of. What about the company? Who would I invite, and why for so?
Prof. Sir Stephen Fry of Hampstead
For his rapier-like wit and his encyclopedic knowledge of encyclopedias. I would get him to fix my PC, too. I hear he's a dab hand with Windows Vista.
Lord Haw Haw of Plumsted
What a nice chap he is, everyone tells me. Or am I thinking of Peter Ustinov?
Dame Hingent-Bracket of Wanstead
For hilarious musical interludes, and bags me be her partner in the obligatory cross-dressing parlour games after coffee and cigars
Halle Berry
For sex, obviously
I know some people can be very fussy and formal when they entertain, but I'm not one to stand on ceremony and would prefer to have my guests relax and make themselves at home.
I do have a terrible memory for names, though, so I must insist that my guests arrive in alphabetical order.
So I had a think about this, and now I can reveal the details of My Dream Dinner Party to you, dear lucky reader, such that you are.
My Dream Dinner Party Menu would be as follows:
Starterses
Pan-handled solenoids of Scottish chicken, with a lobster and watercress bisque, served on a futon of burberry mushrooms
Poached Isle of Skye onions and laminated halibut, served with a lobster and watercress salad
Lobster and watercress soup, with spinettes of radish, served with gites of pigeon breast defenestrated in a mushroom and white wine coquette
Main Courseses
Roast Highland squirrel, potato brochures and wild watercress and lobster gravy
Montage of Scottish lobster, with honey-glazed peas, served on a sofa of grilled watercress and Spanish celery
Contratemps of smoked squirrel, with a bijoux of lobster and watercress risotto, served on a pasquale of wild burberry mushrooms and redacted ham
Dessertseses
Lobster and watercress sorbet
Tarte citroen deux chevaux, avec l'homard et le cresson
Choc ices
That's the food taken care of. What about the company? Who would I invite, and why for so?
Prof. Sir Stephen Fry of Hampstead
For his rapier-like wit and his encyclopedic knowledge of encyclopedias. I would get him to fix my PC, too. I hear he's a dab hand with Windows Vista.
Lord Haw Haw of Plumsted
What a nice chap he is, everyone tells me. Or am I thinking of Peter Ustinov?
Dame Hingent-Bracket of Wanstead
For hilarious musical interludes, and bags me be her partner in the obligatory cross-dressing parlour games after coffee and cigars
Halle Berry
For sex, obviously
I know some people can be very fussy and formal when they entertain, but I'm not one to stand on ceremony and would prefer to have my guests relax and make themselves at home.
I do have a terrible memory for names, though, so I must insist that my guests arrive in alphabetical order.
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