Jelly Fish. Marzipan Crab.

My local supermarket is having a sale on random numbers. You can get them in packs of 6 for just £1.99, which is a positive steal compared to what so-called “specialist” Random Number stores are charging. Granted, you won’t get the in-depth product knowledge when you buy in bulk at a supermarket. But the savings are simply too great to ignore.

And at the rate I get through random numbers, the cheaper the better! In our house we seem to live on nothing else. Take this morning, for example. I had to make an obscene phone call to a complete stranger living abroad. That’s five random numbers gone before I’ve even had breakfast!

Then for my daughter’s school science project she had to assign random numbers to a colony of frogs. The frog with the highest number won a prize. (I think it was a hairbrush.)

And my wife gets through them they’re going out of fashion. Which they’re not. Mind you, I recently found a whole stack of random numbers hidden under the seat of her car. I think she likes to carry a bunch around with her, just in case. She mainly uses them to confuse sales people who call her up at work. They’ll ask something like; “Madam, are you happy with your existing* vacuum cleaner?” to which she’ll reply; “24 6 78 253 13”. It usually does the trick.

I plan to grab a year’s supply of random numbers while the sale lasts. The only question now is where to store them. Perhaps in the loft with that supply of right angles that I won in a raffle?

* Happier than she would be with a non-existent vacuum cleaner, I would wager.