Can You Guess What It Was Then?

Arnold V. SputniK III

Summary
	I am the world’s leading authority on shoes, with more than 13 years’ experience across a wide range of industries. Outside of my professional duties, I have been published in leading journals such as What Badger?, Telephone Handset Monthly and The Animal Husbandry Gazette. I live in South London with my wife and her accountant, Brian.
Experience
	2001–2005 African National Congress Africa, Obviously Vice-President of Spoons n Introduced new standards for spoon-related operations, leading to a 25% increase in spoons n Spoke at conferences on the benefits of spoons, and spread the spoon message as far and wide as Tokyo and Antwerp to eager audiences of up to 256,000,000,000 people n Recruited top managers, including Sheryl Crow, Mr Roboto and Batman, and built a world-class strategic spoon management organisation
	1999-2001 Disney Corporation Disneytown Regional Donkey Forecaster n Prepared and presented the morning donkey forecast, which was watched by more than 256,000,0000,000 by the time of my departure n Worked closely with the British Donkey Association, and increased donkeys by more than 25% n Organised the world’s biggest game of Cluedo (It was Professor Plumb, in the present-wrapping room, with a donkey)
	1980–1984 British Telecom The Shire, Middle Earth Chief Funchitect n Funchitected £256,000,000,000 customer service system, based largely on soft fruit n Managed team of top funchitects, ranging in height from 4’10” to 6’4” n Wrote The Jazz Singer (in the orginal Sanskrit) 1833–1764 Easyjet Luton Airpot, Next To The Carpark Female Impersonator n Impersonated over 256,000,000,000 females, including Bette Midler, Baroness Thatcher and Buffy The Vampire Slayer n Provided training and coaching to trainee female impersonators, raising the standard by 25% n Invented the tomato
Education
	1973-1977 University of Tooting Tooting, London n B.A., Business Administration and Interpretive Dance
publications
	Now That’s What I Call Muesli! 1964. Oxford University Press. Queue Here for Robotic Dancing. 1939. Penguin. Sea Monkeys: Who Knew? 2001. Pan Books.
Interests
	· Keyhole Surgery · Quantum Electrodynamics · The Spice Girls